Bill Grays

Many of you have suggested that we try kid-friendly mecca Bill Grays, and for once, we listened. For those of us who are 30+, you may recall that Bill Grays resides in the old Union Square nightclub building in what is now called Frontier Commons (as a side note, my sister-in-law used to be a shot-girl there, and she will never live it down!). It was the ultimate under/over meat-market. It’s fitting that you can just order your meat at a counter now. Speaking of meat, damn good burgers with this one. Really great mac salad too; maybe the best so far. The homefries were the pre-packed square ones. They were average. Came with a small, soft dinner roll which was kind-of weak. This one throws us for a curve ball though. The meat-sauce was…. unique. Let’s call it sweet heat. It was mixed 50/50 with hot & sweet pickle relish. Not sure how to feel about it. We all loved the heat. If you like pickles, this plate is going to be a 4.5 out of 5. If youdon’t, you are going to hate it more than your wife making you watch Project Runway.

This plate really works well for you breeders out there who have a bunch of little monsters you want to keep entertained. And that’s great, better to have them at Bill Grays than at the airport kicking my seat or getting in-between me and my luggage. You can scarf this one down and keep an eye on the little ones… and you will be satisfied. If you like pickles, you’ll be more than satisfied. Also, if you work in Henrietta, it’s worth a trip for lunch.

If you go there by yourself on a weekend, at noon, hung-over, looking weird, you’ll get some looks. Consider getting it to go. They give you an awesome full color box, perfectly-sized, to carry it in. It takes a lot to impress us… actually it doesn’t, and it was a cool box.

Salvatore's

Salvatorrrreeessss!!! There’s an annoyance factor that precedes this plate. Like the Fucillo commercials or AC/DC’s decision to sell their new album exclusively through Wal-Mart. Well, we were slightly less annoyed by their take on the garbage plate. Here are the highlights: Good burgers in both size and taste, larger than normal onion chunks, and a huge, 6-inch sub role for their bread option – nice surprise. All good things in our opinion. The drawbacks? Lousy sauce. Totally bland. No homefries option, just steak fries. I’m not a fan of steak fries so this is a point deduction. Here’s where it gets tricky… the mac salad was made with honey mustard. If you like honey mustard, you’ll really like the mac salad. If you don’t like honey mustard, you will hate it more than a prostate exam. So after the scores are weighed, it ends up a 3 out of 5. Above average but it could go up or down depending on your preferences.

This plate works if Salvatore’s is convenient for you. With delivery to most locations, that’s a big plus. You also have the potential for a pizza/chicken wing/garbage plate hat trick – delivered to the front door of your parent’s house (or wherever you reside).

Gitsis & Mark's Texas Hots

Congratulations! You've had twins!

After chickening out on going to the Klassy Kat during lunch, we decided to make the Monroe Ave. run to Gitsis and Mark's Texas Hots. These two are by far the most popular plates with the Park Ave/Monroe Ave crowd. Expectations were high. Think LeBron James/Sydney Crosby hype.

I don't want to spend too much time on ambiance; Danny Sidedish made it in & out of each place in less than 30 seconds. Like some kind of cholesterol pit crew behind the counters. The lunch patrons in each establishment were hideously deformed and totally creeped Danny out. Each plate was chauffeured back to headquarters where we tore through them like a tornado through a trailer park. Here's the verdict: They were nearly identical and both kicked more ass than Clubber Lang in Rocky III.

Gitsis' plate came in standard styrofoam COMPLETELY WRAPPED IN PLASTIC WRAP TO AVOID LEAKAGE! Talk about going the extra mile. Hell yeah Gitsis! They also included a side of Red Hot and pickle chips. This one had all the makings of a great plate: Real diner style homefries (with paprika sprinkled on top!), good mac salad, a side of 4 dinner rolls, two solid cheeseburgers, and nice tasting sauce. They went a little light on the onion, and the pickle chips sucked (a spear would have been better) but lets not split hairs, this was a great plate. It's a 4 out of 5. *Before you start throwing stones at this review, we have intelligence that leads us to believe the Gitsis plate has recently undergone a makeover. So if it's been a few years since you've had one, you may think we are dumber than the people that did the latest Indiana Jones movie, but we are not. Mola-Ram bitches!*

Mark's Plate came in standard Styrofoam. Great burgers (but a little room for improvement), the best mac salad so far, diner-style homefries (again with paprika), and a side of Italian bread. The sauce was good but they went a little light on it. It's also a 4 out of 5. Also, Danny needed his inhaler after this one. Good sign! So for all of you loyal readers out there who won't shut the F up about Mark's, congratulations, you've been vindicated. They have a gold-metal plate.

So you probably want to know why these are 4's and not 5's. Simple, you have a reasonable chance of getting shot at either establishment. Also, the owner at Marks is an A-hole. To conclude: if Mark's is crowded, Gitsis offers an equally tasty alternative but always go to Mark's first.